Have You Ever Been a Victim of Parental Ambition? How Has It Shaped Your Character Today?
Parenting isn’t about always imposing your will as a parent. As someone who has lived much longer, it’s natural to think you know better than your child. And of course, almost every parent wants the best for their children.
But here’s the truth: there will always be countless things we don’t know—things that could turn out to be potential opportunities for our children. Forcing our limited knowledge onto them might not always be relevant.
In the worst-case scenario, this behavior can shape a child’s character into that of a people pleaser. Ironically, this trait can hinder their potential or even make their life harder in the future. How so?
What is a People Pleaser?
A people pleaser child tends to always try to make others happy, even at the cost of their own feelings, time, and happiness. Surprisingly, this trait can begin forming early in life, particularly if parents unknowingly encourage these behaviors through their actions.
According to Psych Central, a people pleaser is someone who often neglects their own needs to make others happy. They might get caught up in giving their all to others.
People pleasers may struggle to distinguish their own likes, dislikes, and hobbies from those of others. For them, figuring out their desires, hopes, and goals can be genuinely difficult—leading to indecisiveness in their personality.
Another hallmark of people pleasers is the inability to say “no” to others. Even if they don’t want to do something, they find it hard to decline. This stems from a desire to be liked, avoid conflict, and reduce feelings of abandonment.
5 Parenting Mistakes That That Can Turn Your Kids into “People Pleaser”
On the surface, pleasing others doesn’t seem so bad. But for people pleasers, “being nice” goes far beyond kindness—it can consume their time and energy, just to win others’ approval.
So, what are the common parenting mistakes that unintentionally contribute to this behavior?
1. Forcing Your Will on Your Child
Imposing your will so your child always complies is one of the root causes of people-pleasing tendencies. This gets worse if parents constantly push their own ambitions onto their child. Such behavior is highly likely to undermine the child’s self-confidence.
According to an article in the *International Journal of Scientific and Management Research*, pressure from parents to meet high expectations can lead children to develop people-pleasing behaviors. Children who feel they must constantly meet their parents’ expectations often sacrifice their own needs and desires to gain acceptance or avoid disappointing them.
When parents also enforce social pressures, expecting their child to appear “perfect” in society’s eyes, this damages the child’s confidence in their own desires. Eventually, the child adopts people-pleasing traits as a way to meet others’ expectations.
2. Dismissing Your Child’s Opinions and Emotions
Research in Child Psychiatry & Human Development shows that children whose opinions are ignored or dismissed by their parents tend to develop unhealthy relationship patterns later on.
Such children often work excessively to please others as a way to gain validation and acceptance—a coping mechanism to draw attention and recognition from parents or others.
Similarly, ignoring your child’s emotions—like trivializing their sadness over a lost toy or denying them activities they enjoy without explanation—can have long-term effects.
The article “Child Neglect and Its Relation to Emotional and Behavioral Problems” explains that children who experience emotional neglect are prone to internalizing issues like low self-esteem and an excessive need for validation from others. These tendencies can push them toward becoming people pleasers.
Once again, it boils down to attention, acceptance, and validation from others. Children with low self-esteem often assume that others’ opinions are more valid than their own.
3. Saying “No” Without Explanation
Parents don’t need to fulfill every demand, but saying “no” harshly without context can make the child feel dismissed.
Instead, ask the child why they want what they’re asking for and listen to their reasoning. If the request isn’t feasible, calmly explain your reasons for saying no—whether it’s due to practicality, benefits, or even financial constraints. Showing this transparency helps the child feel respected.
4. Disciplining with Shame or Guilt
Disciplining through guilt or shame can harm both the parent-child relationship and the child’s self-esteem. It might even lead to trauma, making them feel disrespected and scared to express their own desires in the future.
Consequently, the child may feel their own needs and desires are less important than others’. To avoid conflict or criticism for asserting themselves, they’ll lean toward fulfilling others’ expectations instead.
5. Avoiding Conflict
Avoiding conflict isn’t the solution to maintaining harmony—especially in family life. If there’s an issue, talk it out and work on finding solutions together, rather than pretending everything is fine.
Growing up in a family that avoids conflict can cause children to miss out on learning problem-solving skills. Instead of addressing problems, they may instinctively choose to avoid them.
What’s the connection to people pleasers? Later in life, these children will consistently agree with others to avoid conflict. In the worst cases, they might even become victims of bullying simply because they lack the ability to say no.
Final Thoughts
Being a people pleaser doesn’t necessarily mean being a good person. While it’s essential to show kindness to others, it’s equally important to stand up for what you believe is right. Don’t let the desire to be seen as “nice” stop you from pursuing your own happiness and interests.
And all of that could lead to a child struggling to unleash their full potential, simply because they’re unable to pursue what truly aligns with their own desires. The weight of constantly fulfilling others’ expectations often overshadows their ability to explore or express their individuality.